Well, it’s my turn to know what parents mean when they talk about the emotions that come about when your child becomes a senior in high school.
Let me tell you though, I was convinced that I would not get upset on the morning of the first day. I was certain that the majority of other moms must just be a little “sappier” than me when it comes to things like this — and I was really feeling great after both my kiddos left because we had no issues and everyone was all smiles. (Ok, my senior daughter was all smiles….my 8th grade son was less than thrilled).
Either way it’s the first day and at this point it’s all exciting and fun – until I went to make the obligatory first day of school post. All was well and fine until my millennial-ass got cute and thought, “I’m gonna add music to the post. I know how to do that, and I’ll find a good song to go with it being her senior year…blah blah blah.”
It all went downhill from here. I start searching and come across a song that mentions how moments virtually become memories…immediately. Whew. Que the ugly tears for this “I’m-not-going-to-cry” mama. My emotionally aware dogs likely thought I was touch and go there for a minute.
As the tears began, I also thought about how much I wish my dad, their Bug, were here. I wish he was here for me to send a first day of school pic to so that he could proudly show everyone at the dealership. I wish he was here to ask how their day went and how Lucy feels being a senior now.
I know there are a lot of people out there who may relate to milestones being missed by loved ones who are no longer on this side of Heaven. It just doesn’t seem to get any easier and, if I’m being honest, some days I really have to work hard to not be a little resentful of others whose children have grandparents present in their lives. Grandparents who do things like take them shopping or send a little back-to-school money and can’t wait to hear how the first day went. Grandparents like Bug. Sigh. I know he is here in spirit, and I choose to believe that he is able to watch over her in ways we may not fully understand. It’s still feels so unfair—but that’s life, huh?
After I gathered myself this morning, I felt a peace come over me. It was a feeling that reminded me to be so proud of where we are in life as a family. To be so thankful that we get to see Lucy’s senior year and William’s 8th grade year. To be grateful that I am blessed with children who fill me with so much pride. To embrace all the emotions that my daughter, Lucy’s, senior year will bring –because strong emotions come from a place of immeasurable and profound love.