The left lane

If you prefer to drive at turtle speed, why do you think the left lane is the best option? I legit want to know why.

Better yet, once you see a line of 8 cars following angrily behind you – why do you continue to stay in the left lane?

Do you get a thrill out of slowing the world down? Do you feel some sort of superpower granny vibes? Or did you just wake up and think, I’ll show them. I’ll purposely hang out in the fast/passing lane and make bets with myself on how many cars I can stack up behind me.

I get it if you refuse to go 1 mile over the speed limit—IF, and only if, you are in the right lane. You know the one…the one designated for slower traffic. Get there. Stay there. Never go back to the left lane again.

I find myself trying to think of the reasons why someone would refuse to move over into the right lane when they look up and see a car so far up their bumper they can’t even see their hood. Do you sit there and think, maybe they just like to follow close? Maybe they aren’t paying attention and will back up soon. However, I am not sure how you aren’t thinking anything other than, “Oh wow, I am such a jerk. I am holding up a row of traffic who might actually have somewhere to be!”

But it’s clear you are not thinking of anyone else on the road. You dawdle along without a care in the world. No concerns over the busy world around you and all those who are now turning red in the face and potentially cussing like a sailor. You don’t care. Your classical music is turned up so loud due to your failing hearing aids that you can’t even be bothered by the honking cars. You think it’s part of the music.

I may or may not have a few things that I do when I am stuck behind someone who should have long-since had their keys taken from them. The first thing I find myself doing is utilizing the pretty impressive bass in my car to simply bring attention to them that I am behind them and slightly irritated.

My kids love it when I do this. However, you might be surprised that this will work sometimes. It’s like I wake them from the brink of death and remind them that other people are on the road and actually have a plan for where they are going.

If that doesn’t work, I find myself either grabbing my phone or my dash cam (that is never charged or plugged in) and holding it up to take a picture of the a-hole. I am certain that will show them. My kids find this particularly funny and always ask me, “Did you get ‘em?” Yes, child. Yes, I most certainly did get them.

I have their photo stored in my phone and I will do absolutely nothing with a single picture I took. That, my friends, is how I handle business.

So please, if you don’t want me to turn my bass up and then take a picture of you that will never surface, just move over. I’m running out of picture storage.