I’m reading a book called, “The Road Back to You,” by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile. Okay I say I am reading it, but in reality, I am skimming through it and bouncing all around based on what is most interesting at the time.
I mean, I only have 4 or 5 books that I have started and not finished. Thanks, inattentive ADHD.
Anyway, this book is about the idea that there are nine different personality types. Type one is the perfectionist, type two: the helper, type three: the performer, type four: the romantic, type five: the investigator, type six: the loyalist, type seven: the enthusiast, type eight: the challenger, and type nine: the peacemaker.
I’ve read through several types that encompass some similar traits that I have and I have skipped over many that were definitely not me.
However, this book lists out 20 things found to be common thoughts of number four, the Romantic:
- I like things that are unconventional, dramatic and refined. I’m definitely not a fan of the ordinary.
- I never really felt like I belonged.
- I have so many feelings in a day it’s hard to know which ones to pay attention to at first.
- Some people think I am aloof, but I’m really just unique.
- In social situations I tend to hang back and wait for others to approach me.
- Melancholy is comfortable for me, so it’s annoying when people try to cheer me up.
- I’m not like everyone else…phew!
- I’m very sensitive to criticism, and it takes me a while to get over it.
- I spend a lot of time trying to explain myself.
- When people tell me what to do I’m often tempted to do the opposite.
- Sometimes I just disappear and go radio silent for a few days.
- I’m okay with sad songs, sad stories and sad movies. Overly happy people give me a headache.
- I feel there is something essential lacking in me.
- It’s really hard for me to settle into a relationship because I’m always looking for my ideal soulmate.
- I’m self-conscious. It’s hard for me to find my place in a room full of people.
- People say I’m too intense and my feelings overwhelm them.
- I’m either an artist or highly creative. I come up with one amazing, creative idea after another. It’s executing them that’s hard.
- Lots of people misunderstand me, and it makes me frustrated.
- I pull people in, but then I get nervous and push them away.
- I worry a lot about abandonment.
Welp. Other than the fact that I married my soulmate 18 years ago…this list is quite relatable to me.
I am not affliated in any way with this book or the authors, but I wanted to share with you resources that can potentially help you understand not only yourself, but others around you.
It is so interesting to me to read about the other personality types and identify those people in my life who match most of the listed, “what it’s like to be a ____.” As with many of the books that attempt to explain our many differences and tendencies, there are always some things that might not match exactly or maybe you find several things on each list that you can identify with.
What I think is so important is the idea of learning more about how other people think…what makes them tik…feel; we can appreciate our difference more than resent them.
This book breaks down each personality and helps explain the strengths and weakness that make up people who, even if just loosely, fit into each of the types.
According to these authors, “Healthy fours (the romantic) have a considerable emotional range, and they manage it by not speaking or acting on every feeling they have. They know they don’t have to be special to win God’s unconditional love. These “fours” have found a way to live, for the most part, outside the pattern of shame and inferiority. They are deeply creative, emotionally honest and connected, and attuned to beauty.”
Well that feels nice.
The book goes on to explain, “Average fours struggle daily with learning to accept themselves as they are. Such efforts are complicated as they seek their identity by exaggerating their uniqueness. These four are coy; they want you to want them but they play hard to get. Their melancholy often goes unchecked, causing painful distance between themselves and others. Average fours are moody, melodramatic, needy and self-pitying.”
Ouch. That didn’t feel as good to read. In fact, it’s never fun to sit back and look at yourself in a more negative light. Sometimes, though, its one of the best ways to grow.
Lastly, the book describes unhealthy fours as those who, “tend to be manipulative, playing the role of victim in order to create or maintain relationships. They find themselves lacking when compared to others, which only exacerbates their self-debasement. These fours feel so much shame they are unable to connect to the very part of themselves that believes they can change and be better.”
Ooof. This stuff is even harder to swallow and it might be that I have only felt some of these from time to time, but it’s eye-opening to read and think about.
I simply encourage you to learn more about yourself. Take in the good and the not-so-good traits and think about any of the things you relate to and ask yourself if you want to be a healthy, average or unhealthy. It’s almost impossible to be the most healthy version of yourself at all times, but it’s worth a try to accentuate the positive and strive to change the negative.
Check out this book, or any similar book, about personality types and take a dive into your wonderful, quirky self.