Advice I’d give my younger self

Oh, my sweet, crazy, younger self, let me tell you a few things:

• Calm down.

I hate to break it to ya, but you haven’t seen anything yet. If you think you’ve had some tough breaks…just be thankful right now. Time tends to steal things from us. You are truly living some of your best days before death slaps you in face and disappointments change your trajectory.

• It’s really not all about you.

Listen, you spend a lot of time worrying about what people think (you say you don’t care, but we both know you are lying) and I wish you knew you are pretty great just the way you are. Understand that 9 times out of 10 they aren’t talking about you, and no one is thinking anything about what you just did or said….longer than a few minutes if that long. Stop thinking about these kind of things for a damn week—life is so much more important than concerning yourself with others’ perception of you. You still haven’t figured yourself out yet – how can you expect others to understand you?

• Speak up.

Say what you mean and mean what you say. People are not mind readers. You aren’t either….so don’t assume; just ask people what you want to know. Words, and the lack of using them, can make or break a relationship. Choose them wisely.

• Cut yourself some slack.

You are a “bit” hard on yourself and it puts too much stress on you. Your version of “doing the best you can,” doesn’t have to look like everyone else’s — even if you are told otherwise.

• Accept compliments and consider believing them.

I think if you would have done this, you’d be much more confident in your older years. Believe them when people say nice things about you. It feels good and you don’t have to feel unworthy. Consider if you hear the same compliment from several different people — they can’t all be blowing smoke up your….right? Right. Lots of people love you and think highly of you. Let them.

• Figure out your own style.

Not what you have been conditioned to believe is pretty/appropriate/classy…etc. Don’t wait until you are in your 30s to start really figuring this out. Your style is awesome, and it will continue to develop over time. It doesn’t have to match anyone else’s. It doesn’t even have to match! You’ll figure out later on that you tend to love mis-matched things and see patterns and purpose where others don’t.

• Spend more time with your loved ones.

This kind of goes without saying….but if I could, I’d beat you over the head until you understood the true importance and made more of an effort.

• Do not stay with friends that are not a good fit for you.

If I knew then what I know now….whew, hunny. They will let you know a little further down the line what their true colors are….and it hurts like hell. Worse, you will also miss out on getting to know other people much more like yourself that you sat right next to in school or passed in the hallway. You’ll discover down the line that some of these people are “your people!”

• Please stop saying things like, “I’m not an artist,” or “Oh, I’m just playing around – I’m not artist like _____.” “I’ m not a writer, I just like to write sometimes.”

You enjoy arts and crafts; you enjoy writing — you are actually pretty good at them. Don’t wait until you are pushing 40 to even start back up again with actual effort. Don’t discourage your own damn self because you think you are not good enough or just mediocre. Everyone has to practice to get better; just do it. You will get better.

• When someone close to you tells you that your hair so much prettier when it’s long—go chop it off super short.

Oh wait…you did this one in high-school…hahaha. Well, sometimes you have to try things yourself and if you agree with what you were told….you don’t have to tell them! Sometimes is just about getting to make your own choices.

These are just a few pointers I wish I could tell my younger self – consider what you might tell your younger self…write it down. Share it with us if you are willing!