Do you ever wonder how you got to where you are?

Do you ever have days where you wonder how you got to where you are in life at this very moment? Sometimes I think about all the many things that could have happened differently at any given point that would have significantly changed the entire course of my existence.

For me, I can go all the way back to the beginning and know that a multitude of things could have gone differently after I was born. Being adopted did, unfortunately, bring with it a lifetime of abandonment and low self-esteem issues. However, it also gave me a world of love and safety; I am forever grateful for the parents and family God picked out just for me.

Now, what I was really leaning more towards with this topic is things like whether or not your family ever considered moving to another state and either you did move or you didn’t and how different things might have been. A fun fact about me is that sometime in earlier childhood I remember that mom told me we might have to move to Ohio for a different job for dad. I remember it was scary and also a little exhilarating because I hadn’t been too many places at that point in life and I couldn’t even imagine living anywhere else besides Mississippi. What I later found out about my own origins is that my birthparents were both originally from Ohio and that is where I was “created.” Weird huh? We never moved there, but I’ve thought many times before about what things might have looked like if we had. For instance, even though the odds still would have been low regarding me ever just bumping into someone I’m related to, but it did cross my mind that the odds would have been much higher in Ohio than Mississippi.

Also, I am pretty certain I wouldn’t have picked Ole Miss to go to if I grew up in Ohio, which means I wouldn’t have met some of my best friends OR my husband. Which of course also means none of my 3 children would have ever been created either. Weird to think about.

I also wonder about who all I have been around over the years and how they may have influenced my choices and decisions. I wonder if there would have been more options for classes and/or other degree choices at another college that could have led me to something completely different from what I chose. If so, would I have become wildly successful doing something I may still not know I am good at? You know what I mean? I wonder sometimes if I could have been great at some type of job where I got to dig and do research to prove or disprove things. I feel like that is something I discovered along the way that I am seemingly good at – but never had a job that focused on that so I never had an opportunity to really see where my random skills could pay off.

Changing course, I think about what if something happened and I wasn’t with my husband of 19 years? Would I be with someone different or would I just become an old dog lady? (Think cat lady, but if you know me it would most certainly be a herd of dogs instead.)

I realize that it may not be the best use of time to sit and ponder all the “what ifs,” but one thing it does for me is make me pause to think. Pause and think that in the grand scheme of things any one of us could have become something like a famous actor/athlete/musician, but at the same time any one of us could have had to live a life constantly in fear or hunger. Two extremes ends of the spectrum that leave me grateful for exactly where I am right now. I might not see a clear path and every day brings unknown factors into the picture, but when I am with my family I can’t even imagine anything that could have happened differently being better than what I have right now.