First time back to the “woman-doctor” in a few years…don’t wait!

So, it’s been a good little bit since I made an appointment for “the woman-doctor.”

Okay, it’s been a good long bit, if I’m being honest.

I know, I know, there really isn’t a good excuse. Life happened and I didn’t put my health first. I could have tried harder, but unfortunately, this is the scenario for so many moms that still have kids living at home. We have to get their needs taken care of first — and then, well…. we just don’t feel like handling our own business.

So, I’m sitting in the waiting room thinking about why it’s been so many years since I have been back…and I don’t have a “good” excuse at all. At first it was just one of those things where I didn’t have any concerns and was NOT looking to have a baby (society needs me on my meds so…you’re welcome) and I just put it off. Then I put it off some more…and some more…and then it got a little ridiculous.

I think that after some time went by, I was not only a little embarrassed that I just sort of stopped going — it was also to the point that it seemed each doctor I did go to these days—finds something. Am I right? I’m like, “no thanks — I don’t need that drama in my life!” But…..I also don’t need legit health issues sneaking into my life either. So, yay for having to making big-girl choices when you don’t want to. I swear I will never actually feel like a big-girl, I just sometimes do big-girl things. Sometimes.

You see, when I was having some health worries last year, what I thought was more-or-less stress-induced symptoms only… ended up being the need for a parathyroidectomy in the end. Like what-the what?!

Then after my dad died, I begrudgingly decided to try to do better about getting routine visits for myself done. So, I went to have my first mammogram this last April. 

It was so “cute” when they found a small mass. I wound up having a biopsy— which was pretty terrible, but fortunately the mass was benign. The stress of the waiting for test results though….draining, physically and mentally. All the what-ifs.

I guess subconsciously I now have this fear that any time I go to the doctor— especially if it’s been …too long since my last visit, I have a yuck feeling that they will find something. 

So, as I am still waiting to be called back, I start looking around the waiting room. I see one scared looking teenager, one lady behind me is on some kind of machine that keeps pumping something, the woman next to me looks angry just in general. I can’t help but wonder if some are pregnant— happy or very unplanned. If some are hoping they are pregnant or those of us here who just don’t want anything to be wrong so we can move along. All I do know is that there are a lot of hormones up in here. It’s almost like the air is thicker! 

***

Well, the appointment went fine, I guess. My blood pressure was a little up, but I was kind of expecting that with my recent track record or going to the doctor and them finding something. I also knew I was going to have to catch my doctor up on my life since it’s been…years…since I have been there. This meant I had to try and sum up: my Dad’s cancer coming back in 2020 – my parents divorcing after 40+ years in the midst of him having to do radiation and the pandemic flipping everyone’s life upside down, then mom moved to Colorado, then things are okay-ish, then I have to have a parathyroidectomy, then dad’s cancer comes back, spreads, my teenage daughter has a bit of a breakdown for the entire second semester and Dad dies at the end of January after not tolerating the chemo and coming home on hospice where I every day for 10 days I thought it was his last. Then, I resigned from my state-job of 15 years and in April they found a mass in my breast – which wound up being benign. Quite a bit to summarize.

I knew I couldn’t get through that kind of “catch-up” without a few little tears, but I was glad it was just a few and not a meltdown. (Celebrate the small wins! Haha).

In closing, I encourage anyone reading this to go ahead and schedule that appointment. I know I’m one to talk with letting so much time go before going back – but they don’t care! No one is judging you. They simply want you to come back and get back on track. You owe it to yourself and your family to stay on top of your health – even when it means the not-so-fun type of woman-doctor visits. Remember mamas, you can’t take care of anyone else if you don’t make sure to take care of YOU.