October 20, 2010
I love you, James. I miss you so bad it hurts.
I want to touch you—hold you up to my face and see you smile and do your Elvis lip at me. When I think about how many years I will probably live without you…. I feel sick. I know you are so happy, and I need to be here for Lulu and Daddy…and Gigi and Bug, but I would give up everything I owned to hold you.
I know you have countless friends in Heaven, and you are being constantly loved on by Nana and Mrs. June—I just wish I could visit and kiss you.
Will you come to me tonight in my dreams?
I love you so much and wish I had more time with you, but as you know…I have learned so many tough lessons about time….patience….compassion….from enduring your loss. I can’t wait until I hold you again, my angel. You have changed my life forever.
Love, Mommy
October 31, 2010
James, we made it through our first events where I knew I would miss you so bad: Lucy’s 3rd birthday party and Halloween.
I would have given anything to have had you here this weekend, but I feel certain you were here in spirit. I can’t believe I wasn’t dressing you up in a cute outfit or watching you see all the kids at Lucy’s party and wonder what was going on. I know you would have had so much fun.
I am trying to prepare myself for the upcoming Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. It is going to be so, so hard. I love you so much and I miss you every single second.
Mommy
Holidays are the hardest by far. I read somewhere that parents who have lost should not call them ‘holidays’, but ‘holy’ days. Make them holy by drawing nearer to God and remembering the sweetness-the child- that has made it home before we did. I like that idea, but still…but still.
Your courage and strength, as always, inspires me. ❤️🙏