September 17, 2010
It’s 12:18 AM and we have made it through another day without you here.
I miss you so much. I am starting to “meet” many people on facebook that have lost their babies. It does help me some — I wish your daddy could or would find other fathers to connect with — but your daddy and I are different in how we grieve…and I know I have to respect that.
Well…it’s been 31 days since mommy had her last period. I took a pregnancy test last night that showed negative, but today appears to have a faint line –very possibly an evaporation line. I took another test tonight and it shows negative. It’s kind of unreal to think about the possibility of being pregnant again. Either way we would be so blessed and I bet you already know if and when we might have the blessing of being pregnant again. If we do — he or she will NEVER replace you. You are always my buddy-buddy.
Please continue to watch over mommy, daddy, and your beautiful sister, Lucy. Help Gigi and Bug, Big Daddy and Aunt Jen Jen and all of the family as we work through our grief. We will always love and miss you.
Tonight, I think about the day I WILL see you again and I praise God that it is possible to see you again!
I know you still see me cry all the time — I still can’t change your room yet…but, I am trying. I want to smell you, hold you, rub your head full of hair. I want to bathe you and feed you and snuggle so bad. I also want you to know how much I love your daddy and how blessed I am to be married to such a wonderful man. I hope he talks to you in his prayers because he adored you. He is hurting so bad but being strong for mommy and Lucy.
Have you met lots of people in Heaven? I wish I could ask you so many questions about Heaven and who you have met — I am SO curious. As you know, mommy plans to start half-days at work on Monday and I am kind of scared, but I know you will be with me.
By the way, aren’t Nana and Mrs. June [my dad’s mother/my grandmother and Jonathan’s mom] wonderful?? I just know they are beside themselves taking care of you and that does make me smile.
I saw a hummingbird today here at our house. I have never seen one here before—was that you or a sign from you? I told Lucy we will get a feeder and we will. I do try to look for “you” in everything and I believe you are all around us.
I love you – I love you – I love you. Kiss Jesus for me — I know He has a plan for all of us. Also, kiss Nana and Mrs. June and Granny George, etc. I know David McMain has probably held you by now—please, look over his family too.
Good night chunk, my little buddy-buddy — mommy adores you.
I try to think about what that day will be like when they are all there welcoming us Home….it’s breathtaking and will send chills down my spine at the mere thought. As always, thank you so much for all your support and comments! Love you!!
I can only imagine what it will be like in Heaven! On days I miss my girl the most…I try and shift my thought towards Heaven. I think about who she is with; so many loved ones went home before she did and I know they were waiting on her arrival. What immense JOY her soul and the others surrounding her are filled with. Walking with Jesus EVERY day! The mere thought of it takes my breath away. Don’t you know, Amanda…they will meet us at the gate with our Lord! What a reception…what absolute bliss it will be! One day…SOME DAY!❤️🙏🙌 I love you.