Have you ever had someone make you feel bad about yourself by telling you that you are too sensitive? Asking you why you are so sensitive?
Let me just tell you that being sensitive is a superpower.
It is so frustrating for me to think back on my years growing up and being told this very thing. Being told, “You should try to not be so sensitive.” Why? Is it because it makes you uncomfortable?
Often it is the very people who berate us for our sensitivity that have even deeper issues than we may have! Just because they don’t know how to be vulnerable and/or transparent, doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong.
Sadly, in my experience there are people out there who equate sensitivity with weakness. Emotional with unstable. Empathetic with being “too soft.”
Over the last 5 years, I worked in a Director position and had 6 staff who reported to me. Each one of my staff was older than me, yet I never really worried about being able to connect and have a meaningful working relationship. I like finding common ground; I like figuring out what makes a person “tick.” I want to know when something significant is going on in your life (if you want to share) and I do actually care how you are doing from day-to-day.
Wouldn’t you know that this can also be viewed as being too sensitive as a boss/leader/manager? Too sensitive?….. For whom?
I’ll tell you who; the people who often criticize those of us thought to be sensitive are typically ones who lacked sensitivity shown to them all their lives. My guess is that they figure if no one showed their sensitivity to them or allowed them to show sensitivity themselves while growing up—they see sensitivity as a negative quality.
I always cared more about what was going on in the lives of my staff than I did about micromanaging their every move. Some people appreciate this; some people judge you. (I think the ones judging secretly just wish they had a boss with a soul…)
It took me many, many years to convince myself that there was nothing wrong with being exactly as I am—which tends to be a “bit” sensitive, haha. The thing is that I would never desire to be “stone-cold” or “hard.” I don’t believe that a good leader is a tough leader who stops at nothing to get the job done. I believe a good leader is one that stops when their staff need them and remembers what is most important at the end of the day.
People over power.
Being sensitive helps me to feel and I believe it helps others to feel as well. You never know when you might encounter someone who was told all their lives that they were too sensitive. Your open sensitivity likely gives them reassurance that there is nothing wrong with them. That sensitivity is a super-power.
So I challenge you: use your superpower of sensitivity to help others know it’s okay to feel what they feel. It’s okay that something hurt your feelings that might not have affected another person in the same way. This doesn’t mean you need to “tighten-up,” it just means you react differently than all those people out there claiming to not care what anyone thinks of them.
It’s apparent that there are people out there who really do believe that they do not care what other people think—which, in turn, makes them strong. The thing is, most everyone cares what other people think to a certain extent. If you are one of these people this doesn’t mean you necessarily lose sleep over every last thing said or done to you—but it probably does mean you are much better at self-reflection than your tough, hard-exterior friends/co-workers/family members, etc.
Sensitivity. Self-reflection. Superpower.
The next time someone makes a comment to you (or someone you care about) regarding being sensitive—I challenge you to take up for yourself/them. Instead of being offended or upset, consider that while they may be the one slinging unfair judgement, you are the one who knows how to feel. You likely are much better at comforting others. You likely bring more to the table than some want to give you credit for.
You are certainly NOT doing anything wrong by being your wonderful, sensitive-self. Again, sensitivity may not impress those who will stop at nothing to step on and claw their way to the top. However, to those around you who need a little empathy, who feel alone, who feel hopeless….your sensitivity is right on time.