What kind of mom are you?

I’m a different kind of mom.

I noticed pretty quickly after I started having my own children that I was going to be a “little bit” different than most the moms I encountered. It was odd at first. Here I was thinking I was all laid back and easy to adapt and go with the flow…you know, like ‘hey, we are all figuring out this mom-thing together’—but I had no idea that there was a generalized mom-code AND I was one of the number one violators. Straight up, I likely stayed at the top of the list for most violations against the understood what-makes-a-good-mom-code. #KarenIsOurHero #ILiveToBeRoomMom vs #WhoExactlyIsThisKarenWoman #WhyDoICare #IsThisBYOB?

Continuously, I rebelled against mainstream-mom-dem. I would not bat an eye if there were an actual trophy in my likeness to represent all that “they” have overcome in mom-dem. Like conquering a beast. (Don’t play though, I AM a force…but I digress.)

It’s been really nuts, though. It’s like I almost thought for myself (GASP) when it came to what I thought mattered more with parenting things. I often did things that went against what other moms agreed was “best practice.” What?!

What a heathen. Not even sure how I wasn’t struck down at some point. Put out of my misery. Stoned to death even.

I didn’t live and breathe to know every time my child farted or said a “bad” word so I could swoop in to make them apologize—maybe even write an apology letter. Yikes. Unlike the norm—I really didn’t care that much. I know I was “supposed to,” but most stuff really isn’t that serious, guys. I am all for respect and all of that—but…I also realize that the adults demanding respect are usually those who deserve it the least.

You know I’m not wrong.

It was often hard to remain true to myself and my ideas of parenting when some of the most judgmental people you will ever meet—are other moms.

Yep. I said it.

Now..not all moms and not even all moms that have significantly different opinions—I’m talking about those moms.

You know the ones.

The ones who wake up ready to punch you in the face with their mom-ness. The same ones you want to punch in the face when they give you their chipper “Good Morning!” or “So good to see you!”

Is it? Is it really great to see me, Ginger? Do you really give a shit how my weekend was, Christy? I promise I don’t care that much about yours, Sarah.” Anywho. Because what I am feeling over here on my side..I’m feeling more on the violence and curse word side….step aside.

Now, have I also been a judgmental mom? Abso-loot-a-tootly. Downright mean shit has most certainly been said to myself when I silently judge you (while smiling sweetly). No worries..I have already sent you to H…e…double-hockey-sticks and back and you don’t know even know it because I am wearing my fake-mom smile of approval. I’m pretty Oscar-worthy so don’t think you haven’t been fooled before.

It’s insane how many mothers are reassured of their (very-often ridiculous) opinions and methods of parenting by getting reassurance from each other. Like little birds chirping together in a nest. Living together in a happy little bubble of perceived perfection.

Makes-me-gag. Literally.

So much gagging. So much eye-rolling.

One of the first things I remember being a topic of conversation amongst moms was screen time. See, we just didn’t lose our minds over the amount of time our kids were on an electronic device. I lost count of how many times I would be in a situation with other moms – just randomly – and the topic of screen time would come up and they would begin asking how we “controlled” the screen time issue.

I was always the blank-faced mom who lurked behind another mom …ducking almost like I was going down invisible stairs….or suddenly I had to go to the bathroom…got a fake call or emergency text, etc. anything to avoid this bullshit.

There’s a meme out there that shows a new parent asking about meal/snack time ideas and screen time and the guy in the picture is holding up his hand as if to refuse and it reads “we don’t do that here.”

I LOVE that meme, because I swear if that isn’t a reoccurring theme at my house.

We just don’t “do that here.”

We were never good about bedtimes. Just didn’t care that much. If they learn to be quiet and we don’t realize they are up—then cool for us being not bothered—cool for them at the time— and also sucks for them being tired all the next day. Life lesson. If they are loud and we hear them and freak out on them at midnight when they are yelling bloody-flipping-murder at someone they are gaming with—so be it. Also, life lesson. Do not mess with mom and dad’s wind-down time. You have been warned. Our flexibility has its limits.

Oh, and with their rooms…well, they usually look …rough. Do I care? Well, yeah, I actually do—but just not NEAR as much as the next mom.

Now, it bothers me that my son’s room gets down right nasty. Do I think he will be any less of a good human being or less successful because of it? Absolutely not. I’ll continue to prove it to you if you keep up with his and my daughter’s success. (Boom).

Neither had set screen time limits. Neither were restricted much at all online. Neither had their devices or later phones pilfered through for no reason or by some kind of routine nightly checks. Now, my son tends to push the envelope the most so yes, there have been times I have had to step in and look around on his phone because…. I for whatever reason at the time, I had a reason. Generally speaking, with their phones, I feel like it’s like reading their journal and that is just kind of shitty. I know there’s more to it, but we lean heavy on allowing privacy until given a reason not to. No doubt my kids are also pretty slick, but so far, we have managed to dodge any major catastrophes from our decision.

Be more of a parent you say? Quit trying to be their friend and do the hard stuff—right?

Wrong. In my opinion anyway.

I know there is plenty of stuff out there my kids probably saw and got into that I would not be thrilled about—but I am also pretty sure that it all depends on the kids you are raising—their own intellectual and emotional maturity (and maybe even your own as a parent..) that can be the difference in how big you want or need that bubble around them to be.

Something I noticed amongst those who interacted with us—be it parents with dance/gymnastics, soccer, soccer, soccer or soccer (yeah lots of time spent with both kids in soccer…) you find that so many parents really think they have it figured out and it’s often their kids who are the most out of control. It’s often my kids who fill us in on what you might die to know your kid is doing. Not saying mine are golden—but it makes me giggle at the things I have found out over the years. Parents have no idea how smart their kids really are. If there is one thing they are collectively good at—it’s getting one over on their parents! Duh! We all did it—so many just tune that out when they throw on their parent-cape-of-wonderment.

I get wanting to do your best at protecting and shielding. Well, I guess I get it. I try to get it. I just do not agree with about 90% of what I see around me being done in terms of universally—well, maybe better yet, locally-deemed superb parenting techniques..

I am not a room mom.

I am not the team mom on the soccer team.

I will not be volunteering to send the mixed candy treat bags for the party. I will be winning if I signed up in time to send plates and napkins…maybe forks/spoons…cups….drinks…can I donate?

However, I will be the mom your kid calls when they have had too much to drink and need a safe ride home– but they are too afraid to call you.

I will be the mom who is okay with your kid coming to me when they messed up in a pretty big way and they are too afraid to tell you.

I may not be perfect; that’s for damn sure, but it’s possible I’ll be the mom your kid needs when your parent-boundary-walls are a little bit too high.