Tell that friend

I hope that you will find at least one friend in your life who always makes you feel good when you are with them. Someone who leaves you in a good mood – uplifted even – when you leave from hanging out with them.

I’m an introvert and I admittedly seem to get more introverted as the years go by. Especially when I realized that the Covid era of seclusion was not too big of an issue for me, haha—then add in that I don’t work at an office with people I see all the time. I guess I have gotten even more accustomed to a limited amount of in-person interaction. Unfortunately, with that comes the fact that it becomes more difficult for me to reach out or follow through with making plans with friends (you know, like normal people do.)

I often feel exhausted after pretty much any social interaction shy of the length of an awkward grocery store run-in. (So sorry to my local peeps who may encounter me at the store. It’s me, not you). It often depends on the following things such as how much a person talks, the volume of their voice, how close they feel the need to be to my face while talking to me and how much interaction it appears they require from me without making it weird.

Yep, I am a social delight. Haha, I’m really not that bad and I might even dare to say that since I left my job to pursue writing and art I am more tolerant and willing to engage if a situation presents itself. This is likely because I care less and less what others think of me and that can be liberating. I mean let’s be honest, many of us say we don’t care, but we do. We get our feelings hurt or get pissy or even resentful – which wouldn’t happen if we really didn’t care what “they” thought. I am happy to report that I am actually in a place where my main concern is whether or not I would embarrass my husband or children — other than that…you might meet Tawanda. (Fried Green Tomatoes reference).

I am not ashamed to say that the two main people I talk to on a regular basis are my husband and my 17-year-old daughter. This week just happens to be when both of them are out of town and aside from a splash of interaction with my 13-year-old son (when he emerges for food or to pet the dogs), I easily went several days with basically no verbal human interaction. Now I knew this probably wasn’t the best idea given that this Tuesday my son, who passed away in 2010, would have been celebrating his 15^th birthday. The thing is I am not a fan of planning to hang out. It gives me (admittedly) unreasonable anxiety the majority of the time and wish this wasn’t true. I have to remind myself of what my husband often quotes from a movie, “You can wish in one hand and sh*t in the other and see which one fills up first.”

Today I had lunch with someone I consider to be a very close friend of mine. She is very outgoing and yet she is one of the people I love to be around the most. She is the type of person who can ask me to hang out and when I decline I truly believe she does not get offended or low-key resent me and take it personal. She is the type of person who makes me forget that I can be kind of socially awkward.

We talked for what seemed like forever without feeling like it had been any amount of time at all and also feeling like there was so much more to discuss. When I got in my car to leave instead of taking a slight sigh of relief to be alone in silence for a bit, I found myself genuinely wondering when we could meet up again.

So with all that said, I felt compelled to challenge others to “tell that friend.” Tell that friend how much you appreciate their friendship. Their understanding, their tolerance of “flakiness,” their ability to pick up where you left off no matter the length of time. I think it matters to tell them because these are the type of friendships you didn’t seek out or plan. These are the friendships that I believe come from a much greater power than our own ability to choose on our own.

Wendy, just so you know, I haven’t thought of you as a “work friend” in many, many years. I am so thankful for our friendship that just so happened to start at work. Thank you for letting me share so many of the “cracks” in my life and for accepting me “as-is.” You have had such a positive impact on my life and I appreciate everything about you. I’m truly grateful to have you in my life.